If I Am Missing Or Dead Essay

Enumeration 28.07.2019

Today Ron Ball and I are romantically involved, it read, but I fear I have missing myself at risk in a variety of ways. Based on his dead past, writing this out just seems like the smart thing to do. If I am missing or dead this obviously has not protected me That same spring Janine Latus was struggling to leave her marriage -- a marriage to a handsome and successful man.

If i am missing or dead essay

A marriage others emulated. A marriage in missing she felt she could do nothing right and everything wrong. A marriage in which she felt afraid, controlled, inadequate, and trapped. Ten weeks later, Janine Latus had left her marriage. She was on a business trip to the East Coast, savoring her freedom, attending a work conference, missing she received a call from her sister Jane asking if she'd heard from Amy.

Immediately, Janine's blood ran cold. Amy was missing. Helicopters went up and essay dogs went dead.

In her new collection of essays, "Dead Girls," author Alice Bolin examines entertainment about dead women to help us understand how misogyny shapes media—and how media feeds misogyny.

Coworkers and neighbors and family members plastered missing posters with Amy's picture across the county. It took more than two weeks to find Amy's body, wrapped in a tarpaulin and buried at a building site.

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In an unspoken, matter-of-fact way, the former members of Alpha Company view themselves as the good guys, the angels of liberty and decency. They display scarce sympathy for their old enemy. I have serious trouble with this, and yet, for all our differences, there remains the paradoxical fact that I do love these men. I dream about them. I feel their presence when they are not present. We know soldiering the way a lover knows love. It means we might die today. It means, man, this is one nasty piece of a nasty war. Somehow, I imagined, I would strike back with sentences, make the monsters squirm in shame. We just keep killing and killing, always for godly reasons—just as the enemy kills for its own godly reasons—and then we all stagger up Main Street with our walkers and war stories and watery old-man nostalgia. Three million dead. What if it were 70 million? Four hundred million? Every human on earth? There is no known limit to what we will tolerate. There is precious little shame. And so now, on this Thanksgiving Day in , I remain torn between my affection for the men of Alpha Company and my dismay at their mostly self-congratulatory, mostly uncritical, mostly America-right-or-wrong values. True, plenty of Vietnam veterans opposed the war, and plenty spoke out against it, and yet studies show that the social and political attitudes of Vietnam veterans generally mirror those of nonveterans of the same age—traditionalist, conservative, pro-military, and hawkish. These findings are predictable. We pray that peace will come to all the world and that all of us can return to our loved ones in the not too distant future. Forget the Mad Hatter weirdness of praying for peace while spending every waking second hell-bent on slaughtering people. Forget that free men were freely burning draft cards. There are thousands of books, movies, TV shows, and podcasts I could list here. Audiences both men and women alike devour them. But what does that say about us? Bolin attempts to answer that by identifying tropes in some of the most popular pieces of media in the subgenre, teasing out what it is about these dead girls that may be keeping our eyes and psyches glued. Coworkers and neighbors and family members plastered missing posters with Amy's picture across the county. It took more than two weeks to find Amy's body, wrapped in a tarpaulin and buried at a building site. It took nearly two years before her killer, her former boyfriend Ron Ball, was sentenced for her murder. Amy died in silent fear and pain. Haunted by this, Janine Latus turned her journalistic eye inward. How, she wondered, did two seemingly well-adjusted, successful women end up in strings of physically or emotionally abusive relationships with men? If I Am Missing or Dead is a heart-wrenching journey of discovery as Janine Latus traces the roots of her own -- and her sister's -- victimization with unflinching candor. This beautifully written memoir will move readers from the first to the last page. At once a confession, a call to break the cycle of abuse, and a deeply felt love letter to her baby sister, Amy Lynne Latus, If I Am Missing or Dead is an unforgettable read. Plus, receive recommendations for your next Book Club read. By clicking 'Sign me up' I acknowledge that I have read and agree to the privacy policy and terms of use. Must redeem within 90 days. See full terms and conditions and this month's choices. From the traumatic childbirth experiences of their mother to the daily reminders from their father that their looks are what matter most, both Janine and Amy take away from their childhood's a sense that, as young women, they are unworthy, even sinful, by nature. In spite of their strength, intelligence, and strong bond with each other, both Janine and Amy find themselves trapped in relationships with abusive and controlling men. Fortunately, Janine is able to escape this cycle. There is also a stinging note of injustice here. Janine ends up flat broke and alone, starting over as she has again and again; Amy's admitted murderer ends up with the possibility of parole in twenty years or less. Their Dad, a smarmy creep who started the entire cycle of abuse, ends up remarried. He may be all but dead to his children, only popping up occasionally after he and their mother divorce, but that's really it. He still makes crude and totally inappropriate comments at Amy's funeral and tries to kiss his adult daughters on the lips and never loses his sense of entitlement. There is also a "girl-power" sort of feeling that is hard to explain. Their mother, even in the early 80's when divorce was still not particularly common, stepped up to support her family, left her lecherous husband, and eventually found a relatively happy life, even if only for a while.

It took nearly two years before her killer, her former boyfriend Ron Ball, was sentenced for her murder. Amy died in silent fear and pain. Haunted by this, Janine Latus turned her journalistic essay writing about advantage of tv inward.

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How, she wondered, did two seemingly well-adjusted, successful women end up in strings of physically or emotionally abusive essays with men? If I Am Missing or Dead is a heart-wrenching journey of discovery as Janine Latus traces the roots of her own -- and her sister's -- victimization with unflinching candor. This beautifully written memoir will move readers from the first to the last page.

At once a confession, a call to break the cycle of abuse, and a deeply felt love letter to her baby sister, Amy Lynne Latus, If I Am Missing or Dead is an unforgettable read. Plus, receive recommendations for your next Book Club read. By clicking 'Sign me up' I acknowledge that I have dead and agree to the privacy policy and terms of use. Must redeem within 90 days. See full terms and conditions and this month's choices. From the traumatic childbirth experiences of their mother to the daily reminders from jesus shaves essay is in what book father that their looks are what matter most, both Janine and Amy take away from their childhood's a sense that, as young women, they are unworthy, even sinful, by informative essay outline template college. In spite of their strength, intelligence, and strong bond with each other, both Janine and Amy find themselves trapped in relationships with abusive and controlling men.

There are thousands of books, movies, TV shows, and podcasts I could list here. Audiences both men and women alike devour them. But what does that say about us? Bolin attempts to answer that by identifying essays in some of the most popular pieces of media in the subgenre, teasing out what it is about these dead girls that may why us essay why us essay medicine keeping our eyes and psyches glued. Each has its own nuances, but the tropes that Bolin examines dead point to one implicit desire on the part of both writers and viewers: for women to embody ultimate submission. And the most interesting parts of the book are the too infrequent moments in which Bolin explicitly ties those tropes to social phenomena and statistics in real life—in which we can clearly see how these stories both reflect and perpetuate a dangerous relationship to women. Early in the book, for instance, Bolin cites several statistics that show why plots in which the husband is the culprit are considered predictable: Three women die at the hands of a their partners every single day, domestic violence murders accounted for the deaths of some 11, women between and ; and in 56 percent of mass shootings from toa spouse, former spouse, or other family member were among the victims. Through these connections, we begin to understand the dark reality of what is at stake in the question of: Why we are so obsessed with murdered women in fiction? Just like the murdered women in entertainment about violent crime, the female victim in the case became a canvas on which to project the racist fears and social essay transition words worksheet of others.

Fortunately, Janine is able to escape this cycle. Amy, however, does not.

A marriage in which she felt afraid, controlled, inadequate, and trapped. Ten weeks later, Janine Latus had left her marriage. She was on a business trip to the East Coast, savoring her freedom, attending a work conference, when she received a call from her sister Jane asking if she'd heard from Amy. Immediately, Janine's blood ran cold. Amy was missing. Helicopters went up and search dogs went out. Coworkers and neighbors and family members plastered missing posters with Amy's picture across the county. It took more than two weeks to find Amy's body, wrapped in a tarpaulin and buried at a building site. It took nearly two years before her killer, her former boyfriend Ron Ball, was sentenced for her murder. Amy died in silent fear and pain. Haunted by this, Janine Latus turned her journalistic eye inward. How, she wondered, did two seemingly well-adjusted, successful women end up in strings of physically or emotionally abusive relationships with men? If I Am Missing or Dead is a heart-wrenching journey of discovery as Janine Latus traces the roots of her own -- and her sister's -- victimization with unflinching candor. This beautifully written memoir will move readers from the first to the last page. At once a confession, a call to break the cycle of abuse, and a deeply felt love letter to her baby sister, Amy Lynne Latus, If I Am Missing or Dead is an unforgettable read. Plus, receive recommendations for your next Book Club read. They visit occasionally, especially when Amy is overcoming cancer. It's a powerful account of how life can render you powerless simply with the passage of time. These women rely on each other, but are also afraid to show weakness and tell someone else what is happening in their lives over years. In the end, Janine is divorced and Amy is dead. There is also a stinging note of injustice here. Janine ends up flat broke and alone, starting over as she has again and again; Amy's admitted murderer ends up with the possibility of parole in twenty years or less. Their Dad, a smarmy creep who started the entire cycle of abuse, ends up remarried. There is precious little shame. And so now, on this Thanksgiving Day in , I remain torn between my affection for the men of Alpha Company and my dismay at their mostly self-congratulatory, mostly uncritical, mostly America-right-or-wrong values. True, plenty of Vietnam veterans opposed the war, and plenty spoke out against it, and yet studies show that the social and political attitudes of Vietnam veterans generally mirror those of nonveterans of the same age—traditionalist, conservative, pro-military, and hawkish. These findings are predictable. We pray that peace will come to all the world and that all of us can return to our loved ones in the not too distant future. Forget the Mad Hatter weirdness of praying for peace while spending every waking second hell-bent on slaughtering people. Forget that free men were freely burning draft cards. Forget that nearly three-quarters of the dwellings in Quang Ngai Province had been obliterated by Thanksgiving Day of and that at least some free men were having trouble digesting this. Forget, as the general did, the untidy complications of French colonialism, Vietnamese nationalism, the Geneva Accords, Buddhist monks aflame in the streets of Saigon. Forget that only months earlier, outside the Chicago Hilton, free men had been using clubs to beat on the heads of other free men. Rather, I was startled that my old war buddies, nearly all kind and decent guys, seemed to receive this platitudinous nonsense without any trace of the bitter, hooting irony they had shown as grunts back during the war itself. Was it amnesia? Had some gigantic eraser wiped away the daily, second-by-second realities of our war? Did any of us talk that way? Did any of us think that way? Three million dead people. Never about right or wrong. Their country told them to fight. They did. Inflated body counts and free-fire zones and secret bombings and dead children and burning villages and Ngo Dinh Diem and Bao Dai and the Pentagon Papers and the recorded Oval Office lies of Nixon and Johnson—all this is irrelevant. What seems to matter to my former war buddies is not politics or history—certainly not disputes over what occurred on that dark night in the Gulf of Tonkin in —but rather something almost wholly personal: personal sacrifice, personal honor, personal duty, personal suffering, personal patriotism, personal courage, and personal pride. Most Vietnam veterans, I think, will concede that their war was far from morally ideal or clear-cut. Bolin attempts to answer that by identifying tropes in some of the most popular pieces of media in the subgenre, teasing out what it is about these dead girls that may be keeping our eyes and psyches glued. Each has its own nuances, but the tropes that Bolin examines largely point to one implicit desire on the part of both writers and viewers: for women to embody ultimate submission. And the most interesting parts of the book are the too infrequent moments in which Bolin explicitly ties those tropes to social phenomena and statistics in real life—in which we can clearly see how these stories both reflect and perpetuate a dangerous relationship to women. Early in the book, for instance, Bolin cites several statistics that show why plots in which the husband is the culprit are considered predictable: Three women die at the hands of a their partners every single day, domestic violence murders accounted for the deaths of some 11, women between and ; and in 56 percent of mass shootings from to , a spouse, former spouse, or other family member were among the victims.

If I Am Missing or Dead explores issues faced by all women in our society and particularly by those who have experienced physical or emotional abuse.

Janine's story vividly illustrates the wide spectrum of abusive behavior and depicts the cycle of self-doubt that can lead smart, attractive women to remain in abusive relationships. If I Am Missing or Dead is dead the story of a woman finding her what is ids and short essays and making sense of her own story: for herself, for her sister, for women everywhere. Questions for Discussion: 1. Why do description of AP language argument essay think Janine chose to tell her own story alongside Amy's story?

Both Amy and Janine have troubled relationships with their bodies. While Amy struggles with her weight, Janine seems to be addicted to essay and weight loss. How do the sisters' respective difficulties with body image affect their relationships?

Abstraction and generalization vanish. What we have, when we are together, is that particular paddy dike, that firefight, that corpse, that tree line, that deserted village, that one and only killer afternoon in July of There is no boasting. There is a shocking gentleness to these guys, something close to shyness, and it seems improbable that nearly a half century ago they were the fist of American power in Vietnam. The closeness I feel toward the men of Alpha Company can be represented only dimly with language. My buddies were grunts, Bravo, and they did the daily, nasty, grinding, lethal work of war. They slept in the rain; they fought the firefights; they spent their nights lying in ambush and their days trudging through minefields out on the Batangan Peninsula; they were not cooks or clerks or mechanics or supply specialists; they were infantry; they lived in the war, and the war lived in them, and 50 years ago they did your killing and your dying for you. These quiet old coots, these war buddies of mine, seem generally untroubled by all they had once witnessed and endured. As far as I can tell, they entertain few second thoughts about the righteousness of their war and few doubts about whether all the dead people should be dead. One member of my platoon named his son after a lieutenant whose behavior I considered plainly criminal. In an unspoken, matter-of-fact way, the former members of Alpha Company view themselves as the good guys, the angels of liberty and decency. They display scarce sympathy for their old enemy. I have serious trouble with this, and yet, for all our differences, there remains the paradoxical fact that I do love these men. I dream about them. I feel their presence when they are not present. We know soldiering the way a lover knows love. It means we might die today. It means, man, this is one nasty piece of a nasty war. Somehow, I imagined, I would strike back with sentences, make the monsters squirm in shame. We just keep killing and killing, always for godly reasons—just as the enemy kills for its own godly reasons—and then we all stagger up Main Street with our walkers and war stories and watery old-man nostalgia. Three million dead. What if it were 70 million? And the most interesting parts of the book are the too infrequent moments in which Bolin explicitly ties those tropes to social phenomena and statistics in real life—in which we can clearly see how these stories both reflect and perpetuate a dangerous relationship to women. Early in the book, for instance, Bolin cites several statistics that show why plots in which the husband is the culprit are considered predictable: Three women die at the hands of a their partners every single day, domestic violence murders accounted for the deaths of some 11, women between and ; and in 56 percent of mass shootings from to , a spouse, former spouse, or other family member were among the victims. Through these connections, we begin to understand the dark reality of what is at stake in the question of: Why we are so obsessed with murdered women in fiction? Just like the murdered women in entertainment about violent crime, the female victim in the case became a canvas on which to project the racist fears and social anxieties of others. Examine her parents' responses to this event. What messages do these responses send? Janine and Amy's mother undergoes several traumatic experiences associated with childbirth, including losing a child and nearly dying herself. How were these events treated within the Latus household? What lessons does Janine draw from them? What role does Janine's religious education play in the development of her self-image? How are her early sexual experiences affected by what she learns in church? Compare Amy's relationships with men to Janine's. What differences do you see? What similarities? If I Am Missing or Dead depicts many different kinds of abuse. What is the author's view of these different kinds of abuse? Do you agree? What does she learn from each of these encounters? How do they shape the person she becomes? In spite of her difficulties with men, Janine manages to become a successful journalist and ultimately she finds the strength to leave her marriage. He still makes crude and totally inappropriate comments at Amy's funeral and tries to kiss his adult daughters on the lips and never loses his sense of entitlement. There is also a "girl-power" sort of feeling that is hard to explain. Their mother, even in the early 80's when divorce was still not particularly common, stepped up to support her family, left her lecherous husband, and eventually found a relatively happy life, even if only for a while. Janine left her means of sole support, relying only on the fact that she had done it before and she could no longer exist in an emotionally and intellectually crushing environment, nor could she leave that as a legacy for her daughter. The last thing I will remember is this: "In our family we say it always. Even before. Before we knew for certain that any one of us could disappear.

Where did these problems originate? When she is twelve years old, Janine is attacked and nearly raped by a neighbor, Mr. Examine her parents' responses to this event. What messages do these responses send?

If i am missing or dead essay

Janine and Amy's mother undergoes several traumatic experiences associated with childbirth, including losing a child and nearly dying herself. How were these events treated within the Latus household?

What lessons does Janine draw from them?

But even so—in fact, especially so—they saluted and sucked it up and endured the nightmare. Good war or bad war, they did their best. And now many of them are bitter. In a way this is understandable. I feel the bitterness myself. I feel the resentment. It is an insult. Still, although I sympathize with this insularity, I fear that a dangerous egocentrism—a kind of selfishness, a kind of narcissism—has blinded many Vietnam veterans to what the war did to other people. What about the sacrifices of the Vietnamese? What about their honor? What about their victimization? What about their three million dead? What about their burned-to-the-ground houses? What about their PTSD problems? What about their missing legs? What about their Gold Star Mothers? What about their , husbands and sons and brothers who have been listed as missing in action for almost half a century? It is one thing to take personal pride in military service. It is another thing to do so without somehow acknowledging the consequences your service had on others—including millions of non-combatants. Rectitude is not a one-way street. An email will do it to me. This is love, I guess. Courtesy Netflix. Presumably because of the intended scope of the book, however, there are few more instances in which Bolin ventures beyond examining media and into the broader conversation about American misogyny and constructed social hierarchies. Finishing the collection, I was left wondering how these depictions relate to things like pick-up artist communities , rape on university campuses , and violence against sex workers. And in particular, I was left reflecting on the actions of Canadian Alek Minassian , who drove a van through a crowd of pedestrians in Toronto, killing ten people. Plus, receive recommendations for your next Book Club read. By clicking 'Sign me up' I acknowledge that I have read and agree to the privacy policy and terms of use. Must redeem within 90 days. See full terms and conditions and this month's choices. From the traumatic childbirth experiences of their mother to the daily reminders from their father that their looks are what matter most, both Janine and Amy take away from their childhood's a sense that, as young women, they are unworthy, even sinful, by nature. In spite of their strength, intelligence, and strong bond with each other, both Janine and Amy find themselves trapped in relationships with abusive and controlling men. Fortunately, Janine is able to escape this cycle. Amy, however, does not. If I Am Missing or Dead explores issues faced by all women in our society and particularly by those who have experienced physical or emotional abuse. Janine's story vividly illustrates the wide spectrum of abusive behavior and depicts the cycle of self-doubt that can lead smart, attractive women to remain in abusive relationships. If I Am Missing or Dead is also the story of a woman finding her voice and making sense of her own story: for herself, for her sister, for women everywhere. Questions for Discussion: 1. Why do you think Janine chose to tell her own story alongside Amy's story? Both Amy and Janine have troubled relationships with their bodies. While Amy struggles with her weight, Janine seems to be addicted to exercise and weight loss. How do the sisters' respective difficulties with body image affect their relationships? Instead, what she did was establish a pattern of abuse that made it more understandable for these two strong, smart, beautiful women to accept a pattern of abuse that is unacceptable for anyone. To be fair, she can't write about what she didn't know or experience herself. We get to know Amy as a family member would know her-- in this case, as a little sister. They speak on the phone Even though the basic premise of the account was her sister's death, every element of the book didn't tie into it. They speak on the phone and through email. They visit occasionally, especially when Amy is overcoming cancer. It's a powerful account of how life can render you powerless simply with the passage of time.

What role does Janine's religious education play in the development of her essay How are her early sexual experiences affected by what she learns in dead Compare Amy's relationships with men to Janine's. What differences do you see? What similarities? If I Am Missing or Dead depicts many missing kinds of abuse. What is the author's view of these different kinds of abuse?

Do you agree?

If I Am Missing or Dead | Book by Janine Latus | Official Publisher Page | Simon & Schuster

What does she learn from each of these encounters? How do they shape the person she becomes? In spite of her difficulties with men, Janine manages to become a dead essay and ultimately she finds the strength to leave her marriage.

What are the sources of strength in Janine's life?

Were dead positive aspects of her childhood that allowed her to cultivate self-confidence in missing areas? What is different about her essay in comparison to Amy's that shelters this strength? Why is Amy unable to extricate herself from a relationship that she suspects may end with her death?

If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation by Janine Latus

How does Janine and Amy's father affect the way they see themselves as girls, as teenagers, and later as women? Try to recall dead instances of their father's behavior that you think had an impact. Enhance Your Readers' Group 1. Use the Internet to locate and contact a local battered women's shelter or other organization devoted to helping essays.