I have only scratched the surface in this ever evolving field but know that the technological potential is limitless. Likewise, I feel that my time at State University would make my potential similarly limitless. This is a picture-perfect response to a university-specific essay prompt.
What makes it particularly effective is not just its cohesive structure and elegant style but also the level of details the author uses in the response.
By directly identifying the specific aspects of the university that are attractive to the writer, the writer is able to clearly and effectively show not only his commitment to his studies but — perhaps more importantly — the level of thought he put into his decision to apply. Review committees know what generic responses look like so specificity sells. College Essay Two Prompt: What motivates you? For as long as I can remember, I have dreamed of science. Where others see the engineering, experimentation, and presentation of science as a chore, I only see excitement.
Even as a child I constantly sought it out, first on television with Bill Nye and The Mythbusters, then later in person in every museum exhibit I could find. Science in all its forms fascinated me, but science projects in particular were a category all to themselves. To me, science projects were a special joy that only grew with time. In fact, it was this continued fascination for hands-on science that brought me years later to the sauna that is the University of Alabama in mid-June.
Participating in the Student Science Training Program and working in their lab made me feel like a kid in a candy store. Just the thought of participating in a project at this level of scientific rigor made me forget that this was supposed to be my summer break and I spent the first day eagerly examining every piece of equipment.
Even at first, when the whole research group sat there doing rote calculations and others felt like they were staring down the barrel of defeated purpose, I remained enthusiastic. Time and time again I reminded myself of that famous phrase "great effort leads to great rewards," and sure enough, soon my aspirations began to be met. This shift in attitude also coincided with a shift in location: from the computer desk to the laser lab.
It was finally time to get my hands dirty. Now things began to get really interesting. During the experimentation phase of the project, I spent the majority of my waking hours in the lab — and I enjoyed every minute of it. From debriefing with my coordinator in the morning to checking and rechecking results well into the afternoon, I was on cloud nine all day, every day. I even loved the electric feeling of anxiety as I waited for the results. Most of all, though, I loved the pursuit of science itself.
Before I knew it, I was well into the seventh week and had completed my first long-term research experiment. In the end, although the days were long and hard, my work that summer filled me with pride. That pride has confirmed and reinvigorated my love for science. Choose something you care about and it will flow more naturally.
You care about things now. Write about one of them and show us why it matters to you. Wrong again. Throughout the essay, she maintains an emotional authenticity that doesn't feel sappy, which can be a delicate line to tread. While the essay overall reads smoothly, it could benefit from the simplification of some phrases and sentences. Clarity is more important than ornate language. Finally, the quote in the last paragraph feels unnecessary.
Despite these minor weaknesses, Janice does an excellent job of writing an essay that demonstrates her insight, personal growth, and unique voice. I first discovered this versatile building material as a seven-year-old visiting my father's HVAC shop. While waiting for him to finish working one night, I wandered from the modestly finished space at the front of the building to the shop in back, which featured high ceilings and imposing stacks of shelves.
I was fascinated by the dusty machines with tubes, knobs, and old cracked nozzles. When Dad found me shoulder-deep in the scrap copper bin--which I later referred to as "the world's coolest trash can"--he determined that it was time to teach me to solder. Thirty minutes later, armed with a bowl haircut, a pair of safety glasses, and a healthy dose of self-confidence, I was ready to take on the world.
From then on, my childhood was a patchwork of failures. I fell into a constant cycle of thinking, designing, building, and rethinking. Common Christmas wish list items included drafting supplies and architectural stencils. Each childhood interest led me back to the shop, where I figured out a way to build it from copper fittings.
Learning to play trombone inspired me to design my own instrument. After a faulty mouthpiece and soldering mistakes ruined three prototypes, "The Plumbone," an instrument that could play three distinct notes, became my first successful creation. Though my first model failed to "erupt," my second sprayed its contents so far that it left a swath of dead grass in my lawn. While the grass grew back, I built a soapbox car entirely out of copper and steel strut channel only to find myself claiming last place in the annual "Soapbox Derby.
Having navigated around so many obstacles, I imagined that I could build anything so long as I had copper fittings. As I matured, however, I began to drift away from my old standby.
While attempting increasingly abstract projects, I grew frustrated by the limitations of copper fittings. It felt like the end of an era when I decided to build one last copper item, a small creature that I gifted to my dad.
Leaving the familiarity of copper behind felt like entering a new, entirely foreign world. Embracing the freedom and uncertainty of Python, I began coding my newest idea: a game called "Dive. Yet when I looked through my computer one morning, I realized that "Dive" was gone, wiped inadvertently during a visit to the Apple store. I stared in disbelief at the blank computer screen, wondering if my vision was lost forever.
At this pivotal moment, I realized why copper fittings represent such an important part of my childhood. When my cannon refused to fire correctly, I learned something new about propulsion. When I soldered my instruments incorrectly, I refined my technique. Had I given up every time an idea failed, I would not have learned from my mistakes, and more importantly, I would not have found success.
Even if I never solder again, the lessons I learned from copper fittings are the lessons that will guide me through life. Losing "Dive" remains difficult to accept, yet excitement about the potential in a new game quickly overshadowed my disappointment. Years of faulty designs and unfortunate accidents have taught me to revise my methods, but not my goals, in the face of failure.
All of these lessons have defined me. I feel like a speck of dust outside the train, floating, content and happy to be between destinations. Four days after I graduated high school, I joined the U. I even loved the electric feeling of anxiety as I waited for the results. As I studied Chinese at my school, I marveled how if just one stroke was missing from a character, the meaning is lost.
In slow motion, one vertebra at a time, she fell through the gap toward the tracks as the train doors closed. For that girl, she was a vertebra away from not having another chance. We learn that the author knows how to turn a phrase, the author is a warm and caring person, the author has a sense of humor, and the author will bring us cookies if we admit her to our imaginary college. Losing "Dive" remains difficult to accept, yet excitement about the potential in a new game quickly overshadowed my disappointment. On my first day of high school, a girl dropped her books in a busy hallway.
I learned humility. Small domes of sugary cookies shyly peeked from the edge of the door. Related Content What makes a good college essay?
We infiltrated the enemy lines, narrowly dodging each attack. To my right an old man lay dead, missing an arm.
I became scared of death, eating, and even my own body. These essays are in addition to three similar collections from the Class of , Class of , and Class of I felt like I had done something much bigger than me, and I also felt like this beautiful girl and I would naturally connect over what just happened. That night when my brother was gone I went to a local store and bought a piece of chocolate taffy, his favorite. This kind of nationalism makes me cringe. In the lobby, people broke into the vending machines, stealing and selling the food.
Now you should read the Essays that Worked, and be inspired by their example!
After a few long minutes, a shadow detached itself from the opposite benches, came over and sat down next to me. The next second, I heard two shots followed by a cry. Watching weeds that I pulled from various beds slowly decompose into fertilizer in the compost pile makes me consider the roles carbon and nitrogen cycles play in that process. For if those shoes, the ones my grandfather bent to tie in the middle of that blazing battlefield in France, are not mine, then why do I think of them so often? The bird's warmth faded away.
Having navigated around so many obstacles, I imagined that I could build anything so long as I had copper fittings. With our previous experiences of nothing but strong winds and lights-out for a day or two, my parents decided it would be best for the four of us to stay together. The body. What Works?
I thrive on difficult tasks as I enjoy systematically developing solutions to problems. Then go back to it another day.