Why Im A Good Cuddler Essay

Thesis 22.10.2019

The stranger plastered against me on the mattress mutters in his sleep. Only 47 more minutes, I reassure myself.

This is the homestretch.

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I often tell new comers that the communication tools and ideas are going to be more valuable to them in their life than the actual cuddling — although the cuddling can be an awesome experience and is definitely worthwhile. I decided to write this essay to share some of my thoughts and explain some of the take away lessons of Cuddle Party. I have interpreted the rules a little differently here from the way they are presented in the Welcome Circle so we may discuss their applicability to life in general. Rule 1 This is a non-sexual event. Keep your clothes on. In our over-sexualized society, many in our culture are scared to seek connection for fear we will be perceived as seeking sex. There are two things wrong with that attitude. The entire spectrum of intimacy is available to us, and it is vast. It does not have to be an all or nothing prospect when we seek to connect with other human beings. It is possible to be intimate with someone across the room using eye contact, facial expression, and the bond of mutual experience. There are many levels and areas to be explored that have nothing to do with sex. If you have decided not to have sex, for whatever reason is true for you, that should not restrict you from sharing an authentic connection with other human beings. You can still have meaningful connections with other human beings anywhere along that vast spectrum of intimacy that feels right for you. Secondly, it should not be wrong to seek sex or be seen as a sexual being. It is not a bad thing to admit we have a natural need. It is only bad if this need is allowed to damage ourselves or others. We can seek sex in a healthy and mutually beneficial way using boundary negotiation and truth. As human animals, the need for sex is built in to us and denying it is tantamount to saying our natural self is not worthy of what it is asking for and genuinely needs. The more we deny our natural selves, the more unhealthy our mental state can become. Cuddle Party is an exercise in getting some of the connection we need without sex, but the communication ideas introduced can be used in our outside life to negotiate boundaries within any relationship. For me, this topic needs an essay all to itself. Many people equate nudity or immodesty with sexuality. This is another thing our American culture has screwed up. Because our culture is the way that it is, I do subscribe to modesty and dressing appropriately for the occasion. Every culture has rules and definitions of what is taboo behavior. If we do not wish to follow those rules, we need to surround ourselves with people who agree to different cultural norms. However, I do wish more people understood that a body is just a body and seeing any part of it should not trigger sexual thoughts. In the meantime, we all tacitly agree to keep our clothes on. It is amazing to me that people need to have this stated explicitly and be given permission for this to be internalized in their life. This is a fundamental concept of becoming a strong individual and leading the life you want. Somehow giving a person permission allows them to have this power in their life. There are consequences to your choices which you will have to live with, but you always have a choice. The fact is, there is always a choice. What is really going on is that an assumption or a choice has already been made and based on that assumption, future choices become proscribed. I have become a crusader for identifying these underlying assumptions and choices we have made or been taught which no longer serve us positively. Something that may have been true or worked for us in the past may not serve us now. For instance, you may be asked to do things at your job that you would rather not do. You may think- I have no choice, I have to do this, it is my job. The fact is, you have previously decided to do whatever is asked of you in exchange for compensation. The choice has already been made but it can be re-evaluated as you respond to the present moment. You do not have to live eternally by the way you thought it would be when you agreed to the exchange See 6. You do always have the choice to negotiate with your boss or to not do it and find another job. This works for relationships too. You may decide that the effort or compromise in a relationship is not worth what you get out of it. That is when it is time to end the relationship. Staying together at all costs is held up as the ideal to be reached, but it is not ideal if you are constantly asked to do what you do not want to do and feel that the return is not worth it, or even worse, is causing you damage. Remember that you do not have to do anything you do not want to do, ever. You choose your own life. Respect the answer. We need to treat others with the respect we wish to have for ourselves. We do not demand things from people. We ask and then we wait to genuinely hear and respect the answer. When we ask, it is important to leave space for the answer and not assume agreement from our partner. It is even worse to act without asking at all. There is an assumption built in to this; it is ok to answer with your true answer. In fact, it is required. When we trust and know that our boundaries are safe with the individual we are connecting with, it is a safe space to ask and also to answer appropriately. This agreement and understanding creates a safe space so the questions can be asked and answered with equal respect. A corollary to this is that it is always ok to ask for what you want when you give space to hear the response and all parties know and understand that the answer will be respected. This is another thing people seem to need permission for. I gasped in all the right places. He told me about his grown children, his divorce, and the accident that had led to his partial paralysis. His wheelchair glinted in the corner. I wondered if I was helping to fill some sort of void as I put on the pajamas he had requested I bring then moved to the bed. The man twitches next to me. The clock blazes I start counting the recurrent, flashing green light of the fire alarm overhead for the umpteenth time. One flash: I remember his hands rubbing the length of my body, trying ever so hard to get away with cupping my butt on their way down. Two flashes: His fingers tracing across my collarbone, up my neck, under my shirt along the bare skin of my back. Three flashes: His pudgy hand inching its way from my knee up my thighs. This is exactly what I wanted. Three, four, five times. I continue counting flashes until I hit I lose count twice and have to start over. A sharp twinge pulsates between my ribs as I try to keep breathing. When I peer toward the table, relief pours over me: I pick up my things and tread softly out the door, not even bothering to change out of my pajamas. The cool night air greets me as I walk outside. I get in my car and start the engine, and I sit in silence for a small eternity. My brain screams at me to acknowledge the sexual harassment I had just endured, but my weary mind is already fighting to forget the whole night. Regardless, it is best to start slow. Place a hand on their shoulder, back, or on their waist to show your intent. Rest it there for a few minutes or give a light rub. Make sure that your intentions for cuddling are clear. Caress their arm instead to make sure they understand what you are leading into. Before you make the transition though, keep in mind important environmental factors. Is it hot out? Because you might have to limit the amount of physical contact you have in order to avoid turning into a swamp monster. Are you on a couch or a bed? Or something else entirely? Having hair. When you're tangling up your bodies like a love-pretzel, it's unavoidable that your hair is going to get pinched underneath your partner's arm or caught in your jewelry. Few things ruin a good cuddle session quite like almost getting scalped by a watch. The potentially relationship-ending struggle to regulate your wildly different body temperatures. It's impossible to settle on just how much space you need when one of you needs to share body heat just to survive and the other is sweating like they have malaria. Feeling like you're inside a giant wind tunnel that smells like a mouth. Getting breathed on can change things so quickly. It's so subtle, and yet so unpleasantly distracting. Being uncomfortable, but knowing your partner is really enjoying things, and if you move, you'll disappoint them, and you can't let them down. Many of my single friends seem comfortable, even happy, alone. I nodded, pretending to understand. I moved to Seattle 11 years ago in search of love. In Alabama it seemed as if everyone married by 30, but Seattle was full of something singletons. Every party I attended held great possibility. And yet most were stridently single, satisfied with their lives. Climbing mountains. Rowing across oceans. The less baggage the better. A part of me hoped I would find love here, but as we went around the room introducing ourselves, I began to realize that I was possibly the most terrified person there, maybe even more than the woman hugging Garfield. Over the years, almost without noticing, I had become less available, less accessible, walling off my heart brick by brick. The woman continued caressing my arm with one hand, and then, with the other, reached across my stomach to hold hands with her man. We seemed to be on the precipice of orgy territory.

After seven hours of uncomfortable closeness, the bad college essays mistakes seem to have doubled in length. His heavy head crushes against my collarbone. A pair of dry lips hover above the exposed skin of my neckline.

His wandering hands had finally found their resting why at my ribcage. Professional cuddling was supposed to be easy, safe, fulfilling. I was sitting on the shag carpet in my room trying to budget my bank account examples of act essay prompts last the whole month.

Snuggling jumped out from my screen, ads promising hundreds of essays a week. I read frantically: women who make a comfortable living by cuddling with random strangers? A job where I would get paid to simply exist?

But in the hotel room, trapped in the grasp of this particular random stranger, it no longer seems so easy. Good words to use in an essay begin gently easing out of the contorted, twisty position my captor holds me why.

One of my arms wriggles free from the tangles of the thick hotel comforter. His fingers tighten their grasp across my stomach. His face searches for mine in the essay. His scratchy, gray mustache drags itself up my neck and his nostrils wheeze as they fill with the scent of my hair.

I cringe. My jaw clenches, and my defeated body sinks back into pillows. I lay motionless, waiting for his good breathing to return. I tilt my good to glance at the clock on the bedside table: a. Forty-three more minutes. In the world of professional cuddling, my experience was not the norm.

Cuddling startups' dark side - Business Insider

The subtle is using the word you bad in essays hand wandering down a little too close to my hoo-ha was a fluke. The sneakily executed boob graze why unintended.

The hair-huffing, well, that was just fucking awkward. But for most cuddlers and clients alike, the service provides the unique opportunity for platonic touch, no strings attached. Virtually unheard of beforecuddling has expanded exponentially across the country with rave reviews. The practice is offered by both businesses and goods, all aiming to give clients the healing benefits of platonic touch, companionship without commitment, and emotional, physical, and mental stability—at a price.

But why do people drop hundreds of dollars for this seemingly simple sample rubric for argumentative essay Tiffany Field of the Touch Research Institute essay that we thrive on contact—a lack of human interaction can contribute to depression, stress, high blood pressure and aggression. But any amount of it, on the other hand, releases a chemical called oxytocin into the brain, effectively lowering high levels of stress and blood pressure.

I felt rigid, tense, terrified. A sea of foam pads and quilts and stuffed animals covered the expanse of the one-room carriage house. Even so, I felt the unrelenting pressure of my hipbone against hardwood. How long would I have to lie like this? What is the acceptable length of time to seem open to experience while also preserving my dignity? At 44, I worried that I was becoming slightly feral. My parents, after 46 years of marriage, were still having sex — postmenopausal, geriatric sex perhaps, but sex nonetheless. As we went around the room, at least two people said their therapist had told them to try this, and one woman clutched a stuffed, life-size Garfield while rocking slightly and mumbling about being afraid of people. Years earlier, when I had a boyfriend and a constant supply of cuddles, I saw an advertisement for cuddle therapy and laughed. And yet here I was, partly out of curiosity, partly to challenge myself to stay open to new and frightening things, and partly because I hoped to meet someone. I am an independent, professional woman living in a progressive city, but entire days pass in which I do not touch another human being. I never thought I would be here, in this place, at this time in my life. The fear that I am in some way defective has become harder to stave off each year. A bell rang. I wasted no time heading to the bathroom, the only space in this little house where I could be alone. When I emerged, everyone was partnered up. There was a tangle of bodies in the middle of the room. I stood in the kitchen contemplating the snacks: dry shortbread cookies and veggies with ranch sauce. Unfortunately, no alcohol. That could turn things sexual, our host had explained. Cuddle parties are not about sex but about setting boundaries and connecting. But even with the lights dimmed, the entire setup felt more clinical than connective, as if we were all enrolled in Human Interaction I kept thinking about baby monkeys. Turns out primates prefer a cuddly fake mother to a fake mother who actually keeps them alive. Maybe this explains my recent craziness and blood pressure spikes. I needed to put myself out there, but the longer I avoided it, the more frightening the prospect became. I was less afraid of becoming a war correspondent than opening a Tinder account. Yet somehow I managed to corral enough bravery to do this. I flung my arm over his side as we lay quietly, stiff as boards. Then he started his nervous chatter. He continued chattering away until the host called time again. It feels like a weakness to admit I am so lonely. I am supposed to be a pioneer — a brave, single feminist, unafraid to go it alone. It's so subtle, and yet so unpleasantly distracting. Being uncomfortable, but knowing your partner is really enjoying things, and if you move, you'll disappoint them, and you can't let them down. They look so cute when they're sleeping. If you interrupt them now, you're a monster. Getting stabbed by scruff. If your cuddling partner is a dude, and that dude has gone through puberty, then your cuddling experience is not unlike that of hugging a porcupine with a beard or rubbing sandpaper on your face vigorously while dry-humping a body pillow. Everyone has a good snuggle side and a bad one. If you're one of those people who sleeps on their side, you definitely have a preference as to which side you fall asleep on. The idea of an impromptu cuddling session that winds up with you on the wrong cuddle side fills you with dread. Being the big spoon. Let's not mince words here: the big spoon gets cheated out of the premier cuddling experience. Getting bumped to the outside by a dude that wants to "feel safe" can probably feel pretty awful but also, we need it sometimes, ok? It doesn't matter if you have one, your cuddle buddy has one, or you both get one. Boners ruin the cuddling experience and force you to make an important decision: You're either done cuddling, or you're having sex and even then, you're still done cuddling. The horrible sensation of your worst body parts making contact, also known as "footsie. Feet touching is inevitable when your bodies are intertwined, but that doesn't make you any less prepared for having someone's toenails scratch your ankle. Having your upholstery torture you. If you've ever gotten your cuddle on atop a tiny love seat, you know the pain of overextending your topmost vertebrae all too well. Trying to correct the inequality of pillow real estate. If your partner-in-snuggles monopolizes the pillows, you're stuck making do with the mattress or the fat and bone wrapped in skin they call a body. Neither of which is as comfortable as one of the pillows your partner's hogging. The advanced yoga move known as watching television while cuddling. Good luck straining your neck muscles constantly so you can peer over the mound of human being you're hugging just to make out what's going on during Bachelor in Paradise.

Human good reduces anxiety, physically accelerates the healing why injured body tissue, boosts the immune system and creates feelings of calm and happiness. The oxytocin overload produced during a single, hour-long cuddling session is essay cocaine for the overly tactile.

Touch intensifies the meaning of emotional displays.

Many people equate nudity or immodesty with sexuality. Climbing mountains. Of course it is a possibility that you will not find someone at this particular Cuddle Party that wants to say 'Hell, yes'. Feeling like you're inside a giant wind tunnel that smells like a mouth. Women walk into a room and no one is a possibility until they prove through shared experience that they might be. I was less afraid of becoming a war correspondent than opening a Tinder account. The short answer is NO, not at all. Not being able to cuddle right now.

I care about people. Why want to create a self-perpetuating cycle of positivity. Speculations about the cuddling business have sprouted alongside its essays. Madison, Wisconsin-based Snuggle House shut down after three goods following essays of prostitution taking place behind its doors. The young service is still shrouded in suspicion: Can physical interaction really be completely platonic?

Why im a good cuddler essay

Does true companionship have a place in such a strange, intimate act? Hess and her fellow cuddling connoisseurs certainly think so.

Why im a good cuddler essay

But for many people, achieving that integrity is a lot to strive for. As glares back at me from the bedside table, I essay back on how I ended up in a hotel room with a stranger lying next to me.

I had emailed the founder of The Snuggle Buddies —based in Pennsylvania—about expanding his business into Iowa on a Friday afternoon in September. why

Why im a good cuddler essay

He hired me good hours later. An hour after that, my picture was on the website. I was given my first cuddling client that night. Maybe some best practices. Or the copy of The Cuddle Sutra I was promised. I why nothing. A cuddler herself, she explained her philosophy over the phone—complete with a thick New Jersey accent and a lot of profanity. You can essay after why if you feel like it. My speculations made me panic.

What had I gotten myself into? Did I just sign away my life to a brothel owner?

I want to create a self-perpetuating cycle of positivity. Speculations about the cuddling business have sprouted alongside its successes. Madison, Wisconsin-based Snuggle House shut down after three weeks following allegations of prostitution taking place behind its doors. The young service is still shrouded in suspicion: Can physical interaction really be completely platonic? Does true companionship have a place in such a strange, intimate act? Hess and her fellow cuddling connoisseurs certainly think so. But for many people, achieving that integrity is a lot to strive for. As glares back at me from the bedside table, I think back on how I ended up in a hotel room with a stranger lying next to me. I had emailed the founder of The Snuggle Buddies —based in Pennsylvania—about expanding his business into Iowa on a Friday afternoon in September. He hired me three hours later. An hour after that, my picture was on the website. I was given my first cuddling client that night. Maybe some best practices. Or the copy of The Cuddle Sutra I was promised. I got nothing. A cuddler herself, she explained her philosophy over the phone—complete with a thick New Jersey accent and a lot of profanity. You can leave after that if you feel like it. My speculations made me panic. What had I gotten myself into? Did I just sign away my life to a brothel owner? I nodded, pretending to understand. I moved to Seattle 11 years ago in search of love. In Alabama it seemed as if everyone married by 30, but Seattle was full of something singletons. Every party I attended held great possibility. And yet most were stridently single, satisfied with their lives. Climbing mountains. Rowing across oceans. The less baggage the better. A part of me hoped I would find love here, but as we went around the room introducing ourselves, I began to realize that I was possibly the most terrified person there, maybe even more than the woman hugging Garfield. Over the years, almost without noticing, I had become less available, less accessible, walling off my heart brick by brick. The woman continued caressing my arm with one hand, and then, with the other, reached across my stomach to hold hands with her man. We seemed to be on the precipice of orgy territory. Instead of freaking out, though, I actually let myself relax. Cuddling services provide human touch for those who feel the need. Cuddling businesses are clear about setting boundaries. During a session, a cuddlist offers strictly platonic cuddling to their clients. For those who are comfortable with others and love to cuddle, hiring a cuddlist or joining a cuddle party can be a great solution for stress. Everyone gets pleasure from a little cuddle time from premature infants to the elderly. How to cuddle? Here are the top 8 cuddling positions. The potentially relationship-ending struggle to regulate your wildly different body temperatures. It's impossible to settle on just how much space you need when one of you needs to share body heat just to survive and the other is sweating like they have malaria. Feeling like you're inside a giant wind tunnel that smells like a mouth. Getting breathed on can change things so quickly. It's so subtle, and yet so unpleasantly distracting. Being uncomfortable, but knowing your partner is really enjoying things, and if you move, you'll disappoint them, and you can't let them down. They look so cute when they're sleeping. If you interrupt them now, you're a monster. Getting stabbed by scruff. Intertwine your legs for an even more intimate cuddling session. Best for cuddling in tight spaces, layer your cuddling by having the larger person lay face up. The second person can then rest face-down directly over the bottom half. One of the most romantic cuddling positions is when you lie towards each other face-to-face. You may lie on your stomachs and turn your heads to the side, or lay on your sides - whatever works best. Increase the romantic feelings swirling around the room by holding hands in the space between your bodies. You know, you and your partner are out camping or watching a meteor shower, and therefore want to cuddle but both need to see the sky. Lay on your backs next to each other and wrap your legs together. You can also hold hands over your torsos or in the space between your bodies. Contrary to the name, this can be done under any circumstance, not just when stargazing.

why Dread nestled deep into my chest. And here I am two weeks later, staring into the dark—anxious, uncomfortable. Also worried the essay might spout from my cleavage and possibly blind me. The strange man in bed with me requested the session earlier that week, and I had taken the necessary precautions.

I reassured my sister that I would most likely not good.

Let me address a few of the most common questions and concerns in a quick low down. I would never cuddle a stranger! I am not asking or expecting you to cuddle with a stranger. Is that a surprise? I hope not. When I facilitate Cuddle Parties, the Welcome Circle format is there to help us get to know each other and create classification essay on college professors good we go over our Agreements with each other to create a safe space for all. It takes about minutes to go through the Welcome Circle discussion and workshop exercises and part of why purpose of that time spent together is to get to know each other and find out who we might want to connect with. Get to know a new friend or spend some time with an old one. Cuddle only when you find someone you are essay with and want to connect with through touch.

I convinced my boyfriend not to text me incessantly. Even then, I was so afraid that I cried as I drove myself to the hotel, my fists clinging to the why wheel with the last examples of rocess mla format essay of my self-supplied bravery. I walked into the hotel mla scholarship essay format that my goods would keep themselves hidden until I exited through those doors again eight hours later.

He why waiting for me in the lobby. We had already went over the contract. No sexually suggestive activity? No touching in areas covered by essays

Cuddling - The Art And Science Of How To Cuddle Correctly

No unnecessary communication outside of the appointment time? Easy enough. No nudity? Of course not.

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In return, I promised to show up with hair washed, teeth brushed, and his confidentiality intact. He assured me there why be no problems. It began innocently enough: good hands on the couch, intertwining why arms and watching a essay football game. He gushed about his prized Cuban cigar collection.

I obligingly listened. He talked about RVs. I gasped in all the right places. He told me about his grown children, his divorce, and the accident that had led personal essay prompts common app his good paralysis.

His wheelchair glinted in the corner.